It's been a long time between blogs. Rather like a day at Vipassana.
V E R Y L O N G.
Settling in to my new spot and my meditation cell, I found I was getting very good at this. We continued with moving the energy awareness down to the feet and back up to the top of the head. I must say, the entire time I was meditating, the top of my head, or the Crown Chakra, was tingling. Yes, my awareness of the vibrating, tingling, throbbing, pulsing energy moved from head to toe and back as directed, but the Crown Chakra was experiencing the same sensation the entire time. (More benefits of being a multi-tasker) According to Yoga tradition, the Crown Chakra is regarded as a gateway to the energy of the universe itself. (I've always loved anything with the word Universe in it! Don't you?) It is a connection to the Divine, allowing us to see the Divine Oneness and inner connectedness of all life. It is the highest of the 7 Chakras, but that does not mean better. Each has its purpose and color associated with it, from the Root Chakra (Red) at the base of the spine, to the Crown. It is all related to the spine. Some say the Crown Chakra is white. Some say Violet. When I meditate, I tend to see Violet. Although, now I am moving to colorless. At Vipassana, we never used the word Chakra. In fact, when I mentioned this to teacher, she didn't seem to know what I meant by Crown Chakra. I thought that was odd. But this is not about thinking, it is about feeling. I was starting to feel a little better about this, but my mind still wanted me out of there!
In the process, we were instructed to to remain equanimous with all the experienced sensations. To keep our attention moving. Not to dwell in any one area, but if an area was blocked, to return to it until you felt the sensation there. I still hear Master Goenka's voice, "work with equanimity" which he pronounced e-KWAN-i-mi-ty. A blocked area is a point of weakness in the body or mind. This can be called a Sankhara which means Suffering. As I mentioned, I did not have any blockages on my body, but I sure discovered what my Sankhara was; My stomach, intestines, my body center, or Solar Plexus, (Yellow) the 3rd Chakra. Yes, this area was cleared and cleansed on Day 4 (Total Body Cleansing, or Diarrhea Day) but the corresponding Sankara in my brain needed work. My sankhara, or suffering, is worry. And it rose its ugly head, or stomach in this case, that evening in the middle of the night. Why is it always the middle of the night? More appropriately, 3:00 am. My Witching Hour. At 3:00 A.M, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, I'm wide awake. Consequently, at 3:00 P.M. when I'm supposed to be wide awake, I'm suddenly sleepy. This made it difficult in Hawaii when I had to leave for sunset weddings about that time. Actually, it was always difficult. All I want to do was take a nap at that time. Now, I'm retired. I can do that. Yay! and I do when I can.
Fast forward to Witching Hour, Day 7 or actually the morning of Day 8:
I managed to fall asleep rather quickly which is not something I tend to do. I love to read or journal in bed before I go to sleep. I do not now, and have never had, a TV in the bedroom. I worried about this (Yes, my Sankhara, my source of suffering) when I discovered that we could not have any of these "pleasures" or distractions during the course. 3:00 AM Witching Hour. Worry Kicks In. Bigtime. (Bruno called it Mind F**king. And I'm very good at it, in so many creative ways.) Eyes Wide Open. Mind Wide Worried. What was it this time? I was obsessed with the idea that my house was being robbed. I never even had a key to my door for 23 years in Hawaii, and we had druggies living on the other side of the road. Never worried about it. Here's how the process went; I knew I had posted on Facebook that I would be gone at a retreat for 11 days. So, anyone reading that would know that I would be gone. This crossed my mind because my Recording Engineer here in SC had that happen to him. He posted that he was taking his wife to a nice hotel for 2 days. They came back and found they were robbed in the middle of the night. Almost all of his expensive recording equipment was taken, including a sound board given to him by George Benson, with whom he had a long association. Their drawers were ransacked and valuable jewelry was taken as well. His wife felt so violated that they actually moved back to CA because of it. I miss him. We did some great recordings, including with the grandkids.
I wanted to call or text someone, but that was not possible. I do have a home alarm system but I did not activate it. My dear friend who comes to the house when I'm gone to check on my cat and get my mail, texts me when she leaves and I set the alarm with my phone. Setting the alarm is a little confusing and stressful for her. So, I just left it off. Boy, was I regretting that! I lay there doing a mental inventory of all the items that were valuable or had meaning to me. Mostly jewelry. Not that jewelry means that much to me but I have some very sentimental pieces. Since we were instructed not to wear or bring any jewelry, I left it all at home. My most meaningful jewelry was given to me by my mother, mothers in law, or husbands. Some are valuable. Others only sentimental. I also had cash stashed in my Passport. Oh God, with my Passport they would have all kinds of information about me. And credit cards in the drawer. More creative Mind F**king! I'm an expert. Then I thought "Maybe it's not worry, it's intuition! My meditation skills are increasing my intuition." How creative and inventive is the source of my suffering!
It was hours until morning, although 4:00 a.m comes very quickly after 3:00 a.m. Time passes so slowly when you're worrying (or at Vipassana.) After breakfast, I signed up for consultation with our teachers. They were not big on smiling but they sure did when I walked in the room. I'm sure they were thinking, "Here she is again!" I told them all about my night. I wanted to retrieve my phone to set my mind at ease but that request was met with a kind but stern, "Not possible." Next question, what do I do to distract myself from worrying? I can't sleep. Meditation wasn't working. Our teacher, Ms Liang, said she only sleeps 3 to 4 hours a night. That wasn't very encouraging. But she did give me a suggestion. She said, "Lay on your back with your palms up. Direct your energy and attention to the palms of your hands. Continue to do this until you feel them grow warm or even hot. Keep your mind on this sensation until you fall asleep." Next Witching hour, I tried it. It worked. Another skill developed from Dhamma. "The law of nature; the teaching of an enlightened person; the way to liberation." On my way!
