It's been a long time between blogs. Rather like a day at Vipassana.
V E R Y L O N G.
Settling in to my new spot and my meditation cell, I found I was getting very good at this. We continued with moving the energy awareness down to the feet and back up to the top of the head. I must say, the entire time I was meditating, the top of my head, or the Crown Chakra, was tingling. Yes, my awareness of the vibrating, tingling, throbbing, pulsing energy moved from head to toe and back as directed, but the Crown Chakra was experiencing the same sensation the entire time. (More benefits of being a multi-tasker) According to Yoga tradition, the Crown Chakra is regarded as a gateway to the energy of the universe itself. (I've always loved anything with the word Universe in it! Don't you?) It is a connection to the Divine, allowing us to see the Divine Oneness and inner connectedness of all life. It is the highest of the 7 Chakras, but that does not mean better. Each has its purpose and color associated with it, from the Root Chakra (Red) at the base of the spine, to the Crown. It is all related to the spine. Some say the Crown Chakra is white. Some say Violet. When I meditate, I tend to see Violet. Although, now I am moving to colorless. At Vipassana, we never used the word Chakra. In fact, when I mentioned this to teacher, she didn't seem to know what I meant by Crown Chakra. I thought that was odd. But this is not about thinking, it is about feeling. I was starting to feel a little better about this, but my mind still wanted me out of there!
In the process, we were instructed to to remain equanimous with all the experienced sensations. To keep our attention moving. Not to dwell in any one area, but if an area was blocked, to return to it until you felt the sensation there. I still hear Master Goenka's voice, "work with equanimity" which he pronounced e-KWAN-i-mi-ty. A blocked area is a point of weakness in the body or mind. This can be called a Sankhara which means Suffering. As I mentioned, I did not have any blockages on my body, but I sure discovered what my Sankhara was; My stomach, intestines, my body center, or Solar Plexus, (Yellow) the 3rd Chakra. Yes, this area was cleared and cleansed on Day 4 (Total Body Cleansing, or Diarrhea Day) but the corresponding Sankara in my brain needed work. My sankhara, or suffering, is worry. And it rose its ugly head, or stomach in this case, that evening in the middle of the night. Why is it always the middle of the night? More appropriately, 3:00 am. My Witching Hour. At 3:00 A.M, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, I'm wide awake. Consequently, at 3:00 P.M. when I'm supposed to be wide awake, I'm suddenly sleepy. This made it difficult in Hawaii when I had to leave for sunset weddings about that time. Actually, it was always difficult. All I want to do was take a nap at that time. Now, I'm retired. I can do that. Yay! and I do when I can.
Fast forward to Witching Hour, Day 7 or actually the morning of Day 8:
I managed to fall asleep rather quickly which is not something I tend to do. I love to read or journal in bed before I go to sleep. I do not now, and have never had, a TV in the bedroom. I worried about this (Yes, my Sankhara, my source of suffering) when I discovered that we could not have any of these "pleasures" or distractions during the course. 3:00 AM Witching Hour. Worry Kicks In. Bigtime. (Bruno called it Mind F**king. And I'm very good at it, in so many creative ways.) Eyes Wide Open. Mind Wide Worried. What was it this time? I was obsessed with the idea that my house was being robbed. I never even had a key to my door for 23 years in Hawaii, and we had druggies living on the other side of the road. Never worried about it. Here's how the process went; I knew I had posted on Facebook that I would be gone at a retreat for 11 days. So, anyone reading that would know that I would be gone. This crossed my mind because my Recording Engineer here in SC had that happen to him. He posted that he was taking his wife to a nice hotel for 2 days. They came back and found they were robbed in the middle of the night. Almost all of his expensive recording equipment was taken, including a sound board given to him by George Benson, with whom he had a long association. Their drawers were ransacked and valuable jewelry was taken as well. His wife felt so violated that they actually moved back to CA because of it. I miss him. We did some great recordings, including with the grandkids.
I wanted to call or text someone, but that was not possible. I do have a home alarm system but I did not activate it. My dear friend who comes to the house when I'm gone to check on my cat and get my mail, texts me when she leaves and I set the alarm with my phone. Setting the alarm is a little confusing and stressful for her. So, I just left it off. Boy, was I regretting that! I lay there doing a mental inventory of all the items that were valuable or had meaning to me. Mostly jewelry. Not that jewelry means that much to me but I have some very sentimental pieces. Since we were instructed not to wear or bring any jewelry, I left it all at home. My most meaningful jewelry was given to me by my mother, mothers in law, or husbands. Some are valuable. Others only sentimental. I also had cash stashed in my Passport. Oh God, with my Passport they would have all kinds of information about me. And credit cards in the drawer. More creative Mind F**king! I'm an expert. Then I thought "Maybe it's not worry, it's intuition! My meditation skills are increasing my intuition." How creative and inventive is the source of my suffering!
It was hours until morning, although 4:00 a.m comes very quickly after 3:00 a.m. Time passes so slowly when you're worrying (or at Vipassana.) After breakfast, I signed up for consultation with our teachers. They were not big on smiling but they sure did when I walked in the room. I'm sure they were thinking, "Here she is again!" I told them all about my night. I wanted to retrieve my phone to set my mind at ease but that request was met with a kind but stern, "Not possible." Next question, what do I do to distract myself from worrying? I can't sleep. Meditation wasn't working. Our teacher, Ms Liang, said she only sleeps 3 to 4 hours a night. That wasn't very encouraging. But she did give me a suggestion. She said, "Lay on your back with your palms up. Direct your energy and attention to the palms of your hands. Continue to do this until you feel them grow warm or even hot. Keep your mind on this sensation until you fall asleep." Next Witching hour, I tried it. It worked. Another skill developed from Dhamma. "The law of nature; the teaching of an enlightened person; the way to liberation." On my way!
Ireland
Irish Spring
Saturday, January 12, 2019
Friday, December 14, 2018
day 6 Midnight Mutiny of One
Day 6 Midnight Mutiny of One
The mutiny began at midnight. I reached the No Patience Point. Awake almost all night, I made a decision to leave. Since they had my phone and wallet, this was not possible. Held for ransom. I was tempted to wake up Erika and tell her I was leaving and would come back to get her the morning of the last day. Of course, this wasn't possible since: 1. It was the middle of the night. 2. We were not to have any communication with each other. 3. She had a roommate. 4. I needed my phone and wallet. At any rate, I imagined myself singing in the car to my favorite music blasting and a huge smile of relief on my face. I didn't miss talking but I sure did miss singing. 18 hours of driving would be preferable to this.
Our time to schedule meetings with our teachers was at noon. I couldn't wait that long. First thing in the morning, I told Atiah that I was having a crisis and needed to talk to teacher as soon as possible. After breakfast, that was arranged. I met them in the Interview room. Here's what I told them:
" I have decided to leave. We have taken a vow of Noble Silence, but as we all know, none of our Meditations have been silent. None! I feel much compassion for our Cougher, but it is just too disturbing and distracting for me. Yes, I know this is to help us develop patience and tolerance, but I can't tolerate another day. I can go home and meditate in absolute silence. As a musician, I have a suggestion; instead of coughing into the wall, how about if she coughs into a towel or something to muffle the sound? I'm sure the other meditators will appreciate it as well.
I understand also the need for no communication, but can't we at least smile at each other? I'm very friendly. It just feels awkward and uncomfortable to pass someone or sit next to them at a meal and not smile or at least exchange glances. Mr Goenka talks about joy and happiness. No one looks very happy to me! I'm not! So, thank you very much, but I'm out of here!"
The both looked at each other, bowed to me with prayer hands and said, "Ah, you have reached the agitation stage." I said, "Uh, no, I reached that day 2."
Ms Liang said that it is important to stay all the way to the end in order receive full benefit; that all I've done thus far would practically be lost if I left. I said" 5 more days?(counting today.) Not sure I can do that." They said, "Oh last day is like a party. We are able to talk with each other." I said, "A party? Do we get dinner?" They laughed and said, "No."
"Champagne?"
"No."
"Just kidding"
They accepted my idea about coughing into a towel and suggested I be moved to a different spot. I accepted that. They also suggested a Meditation Cell. These were available only as assigned and I had wondered about that. This already was a bit like being incarcerated as it was. Through a side door, there were 6 small rooms each with their own door. These were the meditation cells. They said it is very intense inside there. I responded that it is very intense inside me. I agreed to give it a try. They said the best was yet to come. I was thinking to myself, almost anything would be better than this. OK Just kidding again.
So next group meditation, I was relocated. All the way on the other side of the room in a little corner at the back of the room. I liked it. The cougher coughed into a cloth. I liked it. Next optional meditation period I went into my meditation cell. I liked it. There was a chair set up for me. It was very intense. I liked it. So did my meditation skills. Mutiny diverted. Vipassana bloomed.
From here on, my attitude changed, as the tone of this Blog will. Stick around like I did and see how this benefitted me.
The mutiny began at midnight. I reached the No Patience Point. Awake almost all night, I made a decision to leave. Since they had my phone and wallet, this was not possible. Held for ransom. I was tempted to wake up Erika and tell her I was leaving and would come back to get her the morning of the last day. Of course, this wasn't possible since: 1. It was the middle of the night. 2. We were not to have any communication with each other. 3. She had a roommate. 4. I needed my phone and wallet. At any rate, I imagined myself singing in the car to my favorite music blasting and a huge smile of relief on my face. I didn't miss talking but I sure did miss singing. 18 hours of driving would be preferable to this.
Our time to schedule meetings with our teachers was at noon. I couldn't wait that long. First thing in the morning, I told Atiah that I was having a crisis and needed to talk to teacher as soon as possible. After breakfast, that was arranged. I met them in the Interview room. Here's what I told them:
" I have decided to leave. We have taken a vow of Noble Silence, but as we all know, none of our Meditations have been silent. None! I feel much compassion for our Cougher, but it is just too disturbing and distracting for me. Yes, I know this is to help us develop patience and tolerance, but I can't tolerate another day. I can go home and meditate in absolute silence. As a musician, I have a suggestion; instead of coughing into the wall, how about if she coughs into a towel or something to muffle the sound? I'm sure the other meditators will appreciate it as well.
I understand also the need for no communication, but can't we at least smile at each other? I'm very friendly. It just feels awkward and uncomfortable to pass someone or sit next to them at a meal and not smile or at least exchange glances. Mr Goenka talks about joy and happiness. No one looks very happy to me! I'm not! So, thank you very much, but I'm out of here!"
The both looked at each other, bowed to me with prayer hands and said, "Ah, you have reached the agitation stage." I said, "Uh, no, I reached that day 2."
Ms Liang said that it is important to stay all the way to the end in order receive full benefit; that all I've done thus far would practically be lost if I left. I said" 5 more days?(counting today.) Not sure I can do that." They said, "Oh last day is like a party. We are able to talk with each other." I said, "A party? Do we get dinner?" They laughed and said, "No."
"Champagne?"
"No."
"Just kidding"
They accepted my idea about coughing into a towel and suggested I be moved to a different spot. I accepted that. They also suggested a Meditation Cell. These were available only as assigned and I had wondered about that. This already was a bit like being incarcerated as it was. Through a side door, there were 6 small rooms each with their own door. These were the meditation cells. They said it is very intense inside there. I responded that it is very intense inside me. I agreed to give it a try. They said the best was yet to come. I was thinking to myself, almost anything would be better than this. OK Just kidding again.
So next group meditation, I was relocated. All the way on the other side of the room in a little corner at the back of the room. I liked it. The cougher coughed into a cloth. I liked it. Next optional meditation period I went into my meditation cell. I liked it. There was a chair set up for me. It was very intense. I liked it. So did my meditation skills. Mutiny diverted. Vipassana bloomed.
From here on, my attitude changed, as the tone of this Blog will. Stick around like I did and see how this benefitted me.
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Vipassana Retreat Day 5 The fluorescent octopus
Day 5 The fluorescent octopus
Having survived the intense, internal cleansing, I sat down for another day of Full Body Molecular Massage. It is quite impressive, that what scientists now know about atoms and subatomic particles, were "discovered" by Buddha 2,500 years ago. He did this by meditating, using this technique, and becoming fully aware of his body. Pretty amazing. Decades ahead of modern science who only observed this. They did not experience it The Buddha was a scientist of the world within. He experienced it, as I was beginning to. Observing is not experiencing. For example, we can see food, smell food, but until we eat it, we are not experiencing it. How can one explain a feeling one has not experienced?
Today was another day of scanning, or sweeping the body. Starting at the head down to the toes and back, observing sensations. Although I did not have any dead areas or blockages, I did notice something. When I reached my midsection, (solar plexus, stomach, around the naval) that's when my mind began to wander. I was able to completely follow instructions, quite well, until I reached my middle. That has been an area of trouble for me. I had an ulcer in high school, which is completely healed, but when stressed, it affects my bowels. Doesn't take long either. Surprising how instant it is. Those who know me well are aware of this. When something serious arises, Tyler, my son asks "So do you have to go poop, Mom?" When my former husband wrecked my van, he called and said "Are you close to a toilet?" Luckily, I was. There were many times I needed to be close to a toilet in that marriage.
Meanwhile, directly behind me, the coughing woman still sat. She was at the back wall, and would turn her head to the side when she coughed. This only amplified the sound, as it hit the wall and moved around the room, echoing. Being a musician, I am somewhat aware of acoustics. In addition, I was right by the door, so when people came and went, granted it was not often, but even so, it was distracting. I continued to practice my patience and determination.
Also, I was finding Mr Goenka's chanting to be increasingly irritating. Long sustained belching. I certainly prefer Hawaiian chanting. It was such a struggle to make it through the day. God, 5 more full days! Never has time passed so slowly in my life. Continuing my work, I began to picture something that helped. Not a visual, just an internal association. We were instructed that we were not to see visions, or have any out of body experiences. I have meditated often in a group, while others "left their bodies" saw visions, etc. I never did. It made me feel pretty inferior as a meditator. Lucky for me, that was not our goal. Our purpose was to be in touch with our bodies, not leave them. So, I did not see a vision of this, but I did experience it inside my body. It was like a sparkling fluorescent octopus. Have you ever seen an octopus "breathe"? There is a pulsing, rhythmic flow as they take in and express water. Like a beating heart. That is what my pulsing felt like. And the tingling was his sparkling tentacles moving through my body, from my spine out to the skin. The fluorescent feeling was the subatomic particles, I moved him (or her) from the top of my head to my feet and back. The sensation gave me a "buzz" as I mentioned. It was rather invigorating. I liked it.
But I was ahead of our class again. This day we were to continue to concentrate only on the surface of our bodies. That evening at discourse, he said for us to begin to move our awareness to our inner bodies, including our organs. I already intuitively did that. I didn't plan to. It just seemed to happen.
And the cougher coughed. And that night began the Midnight Mutiny of One.
Having survived the intense, internal cleansing, I sat down for another day of Full Body Molecular Massage. It is quite impressive, that what scientists now know about atoms and subatomic particles, were "discovered" by Buddha 2,500 years ago. He did this by meditating, using this technique, and becoming fully aware of his body. Pretty amazing. Decades ahead of modern science who only observed this. They did not experience it The Buddha was a scientist of the world within. He experienced it, as I was beginning to. Observing is not experiencing. For example, we can see food, smell food, but until we eat it, we are not experiencing it. How can one explain a feeling one has not experienced?
Today was another day of scanning, or sweeping the body. Starting at the head down to the toes and back, observing sensations. Although I did not have any dead areas or blockages, I did notice something. When I reached my midsection, (solar plexus, stomach, around the naval) that's when my mind began to wander. I was able to completely follow instructions, quite well, until I reached my middle. That has been an area of trouble for me. I had an ulcer in high school, which is completely healed, but when stressed, it affects my bowels. Doesn't take long either. Surprising how instant it is. Those who know me well are aware of this. When something serious arises, Tyler, my son asks "So do you have to go poop, Mom?" When my former husband wrecked my van, he called and said "Are you close to a toilet?" Luckily, I was. There were many times I needed to be close to a toilet in that marriage.
Meanwhile, directly behind me, the coughing woman still sat. She was at the back wall, and would turn her head to the side when she coughed. This only amplified the sound, as it hit the wall and moved around the room, echoing. Being a musician, I am somewhat aware of acoustics. In addition, I was right by the door, so when people came and went, granted it was not often, but even so, it was distracting. I continued to practice my patience and determination.
Also, I was finding Mr Goenka's chanting to be increasingly irritating. Long sustained belching. I certainly prefer Hawaiian chanting. It was such a struggle to make it through the day. God, 5 more full days! Never has time passed so slowly in my life. Continuing my work, I began to picture something that helped. Not a visual, just an internal association. We were instructed that we were not to see visions, or have any out of body experiences. I have meditated often in a group, while others "left their bodies" saw visions, etc. I never did. It made me feel pretty inferior as a meditator. Lucky for me, that was not our goal. Our purpose was to be in touch with our bodies, not leave them. So, I did not see a vision of this, but I did experience it inside my body. It was like a sparkling fluorescent octopus. Have you ever seen an octopus "breathe"? There is a pulsing, rhythmic flow as they take in and express water. Like a beating heart. That is what my pulsing felt like. And the tingling was his sparkling tentacles moving through my body, from my spine out to the skin. The fluorescent feeling was the subatomic particles, I moved him (or her) from the top of my head to my feet and back. The sensation gave me a "buzz" as I mentioned. It was rather invigorating. I liked it.
But I was ahead of our class again. This day we were to continue to concentrate only on the surface of our bodies. That evening at discourse, he said for us to begin to move our awareness to our inner bodies, including our organs. I already intuitively did that. I didn't plan to. It just seemed to happen.
And the cougher coughed. And that night began the Midnight Mutiny of One.
Saturday, December 8, 2018
Day 4 Total Body Cleansing, inside and out
Day 4 Total Body cleansing, inside and out
Finally, we moved from the upper lip to the entire body. Now that we were aware of what our particular body sensation was, we were to do a body sweep, starting from the top of our head to our feet. I must say that during this entire experience, the top of my head, or my Crown Chakra, was constantly tingling. Using our minds, and feeling our bodies, we were to move our attention down the body. I called this scanning, using a more modern term. Or Molecular Massage. What we were to look for was blockages, numb or dead spots on our bodies, where we were unaware of any sensation. So after sweeping, we were to return to those areas and concentrate on them until we felt a sensation. Strangely enough, I had no blockages. None.
Teacher (Kimlong Liang. She was from Cambodia) would call us up in groups of five every other day for "check in" She asked, sitting like Buddha on a tabletop, "Are you aware of sensation? Do you have any blockages?' To that I answered "Yes and No" She smiled. A rare occurance. I went back to my place and continued scanning. I was intensely aware of the sensations. Tingling, Vibrating, Pulsating, Throbbing. Again, I got so good at it that I moved on to my internal organs, spine, etc. I was buzzing. This was a real high. A natural high.
And so it began that night. Total body cleansing. Inside and out. Complete inner cleansing, if you know what I mean. I couldn't sleep at all that night, (even with the upper lip surfing) because I was on the toilet. All night. Until I couldn't believe there was anything left inside of me. Full body flush. Again, grateful I wasn't sharing a toilet with other women. I'm sure they would have been grateful as well.
When I missed 4:30 Meditation, Atiah came to look for me. I told her about my night and requested more toilet paper. She said "Do you want some medication?" and I replied, "If I'm going to make it through an entire meditation, Yes!" She got me some Pepto Bismol, which did seem to do the trick. Also, there was absolutely nothing left in my system. Just to be sure, I skipped breakfast that morning.
Indeed, I did make it through the rest of the day. Such a relief. And I enjoyed my walk in the forest. As I mentioned, we were not to exchange glances or acknowledge other participants. We would cross paths in the woods, but never make eye contact. Except Erika and me. We would secretly smile, but never speak. I really treasured those smiles. Hey, I'm friendly. She's my friend.
That evening I retired to my 3" thick mattress on a bed of wood and slept pretty well. Sleeping has never been one of my talents.
Day 3 Vipassana Retreat. Sub Atomic Particles
Guess what? Today we graduated from 2 days of nasal breathing and progressed to the upper lip. Our task was to be aware of the sensations we felt in the area under the nostrils and above the upper lip. This could be anything: hot, cold, perspiration, tingling, vibrating, pulsating and throbbing. Mine were the final four, and in that order. First I was aware of a tingling sensation, followed by vibrating and proceeding to pulsating and throbbing. Yes, we did this all day.
Mr Goenka explained, as I was well aware, that our bodies are not actually solid. We are made up of sub-atomic particles. I named them "sub-atomies" inspired by my Granddaughters' name for cucumber "cucumbies." Imagine, this is smaller than an atom. Picture the electron ever circling around the proton and neutron, in constant motion. Nothing is solid. All is in constant motion. What appears to be is really not. Just as it seems that the sun moves around the earth and the earth is flat, we know that not to be true. So it is with our bodies. They are not solid and are in a state of constant change. We were to focus on that small area of our bodies until we became aware of a sensation, a connection with our sub-atomic particles. I have always been very aware of my body. Too aware. Remember the Princess and the Pea? That's me! I can feel a grain of sand in my shoe, a wrinkle in my sock, a tag on the back of my blouse. This is also why I am hyper sensative to cold. Could be perhaps because I have mostly lived in warm or tropical climates, but you get the point. So I was very good at this. I got so good that I could actually make my upper lip "go surfing." Hard to imagine. Guess you had to be there. But I was and I did. So, I thought to myself, if I have trouble falling asleep tonight I guess I'll just make my upper lip go surfing. Then I laughed to myself. Silently of course. Not to compete with the coughing woman.
Each meditation began and ended with a tape of Mr Goenka chanting. This was for several purposes, to put us in the meditation mood and for the vibrational effect. In actuality, it often sounded like long, sustained, deep belching and was starting to get annoying. Except at the end because when you heard it you knew that session was over. Thank God. Then it was a welcome sound.
On this day, I mentioned to the teacher, (Yes we were allowed to talk to our teacher at certain times.) that I would like to try going without the chair and sitting cross legged. Our dear assistant, Atiah, set me up with a cushion and a back support. They called it a jack. After the first session on the floor, I could barely walk. That was the end of that. Back to the chair.
During the brief times we were free, I walked as much as possible. There was a sign That said "Women's Walking Trail" which pointed to a sort of grassy area. Erika and I checked it out on our arrival day and said to each other, (we were still allowed to talk at that point) "That's not much of a trail." So on this day I was walking on the supposed "trail" when Atiah whispered to me "You are outside of the boundaries." ( I was in trouble a lot.) I said "No, I'm walking on the trail" She then took me over to a path which led to a lovely trail through the forest. Damn, I lost 3 days of walking on this trail? So on our late afternoon break, I took a precious walk in the forest. No sooner had I done this when I heard; BANG....BANG,BANG! Gun shots. Deer hunting season. No wonder they want us to remain within the boundaries. Who want to go to a meditative retreat and be mistaken for a deer? Well, not me. So I cut my walk short and walked around elsewhere.
That night, I fell asleep to the sound of my upper lip surfing.
Friday, December 7, 2018
Day 2 Vipassana Retreat Breathing, Craving and Addictions
Our schedule was the same every day. I made my way in the dark to the morning meditation, (Ok, I had a flashlight and the walkway was lit, but it was still damn dark at 4:30 am.)
Arriving at my assigned position I noticed that the woman next to me was gone. Envy! Please! Why can't that be me? I was so wishing I were she! This day was my most difficult. As I mentioned I have a touch of ADHD and I'm a big multi-tasker. I can play guitar, sing, and make my grocery list in my head. There's a lot going on in that mind of mine. So to sit for 11 hours just concentrating on breathing was a mammoth task. I was hoping we would venture beyond nostril breathing but that was not to be! Is this all we will be doing for the next 9 days? This put me in a panic. I didn't see how I could possibly do this.
Mr. Goenka explained that the purpose of this was to be avare (translation, aware) of our bodies. " I want you to be avare, very avare of the moment." and I was thinking to myself. "Yes, I am very aware, very aware that at this moment, I want to be anywhere... but here". Our purpose was to be completely in the moment. Cravings and addictions distract us from the present, which is all there is. When we think of addictions, drugs and alcohol come to mind, but we all have addictions. It's goes along with being human. I'm a chocoholic. Here's the story on that:
I was escorted to my car by our lovely assistant, Atiah, to get my purse. ( I had much contact with her which you will hear.) The parking lot was out of bounds so participants couldn't go alone. Back in my room while digging in my purse to find my hearing aide batteries, I discovered buried treasure. 5 bars of World's Finest Chocolate I bought for the kid's school fundraiser. Being a grandmother does have it's benefits. (I have a big purse. It got lost in there among many other items. When I used to ask my former husband to get something from my purse while I was driving, he'd say "I'm going in!") Let's see. 10 days. 5 chocolates. That's 2 squares a day. I was in heaven.
That evening in the video discourse at 7:00, Mr. Goenka again explained how cravings distract us from the present, taking us out of the moment. At the very moment he was saying that, my mind was drifting to the delectable delights awaiting me in my room, perfectly illustrating his point. This made me laugh. Not out loud of course. Must not disturb the silence. Leave that to the coughing woman.
After the last meditation around 9:15 pm, I savored my forbidden treats in my little room, ever so grateful for the discovery and also thankful I had no room mate to bust me on this tasty violation. It was sinfully delicious.
Our schedule was the same every day. I made my way in the dark to the morning meditation, (Ok, I had a flashlight and the walkway was lit, but it was still damn dark at 4:30 am.)
Arriving at my assigned position I noticed that the woman next to me was gone. Envy! Please! Why can't that be me? I was so wishing I were she! This day was my most difficult. As I mentioned I have a touch of ADHD and I'm a big multi-tasker. I can play guitar, sing, and make my grocery list in my head. There's a lot going on in that mind of mine. So to sit for 11 hours just concentrating on breathing was a mammoth task. I was hoping we would venture beyond nostril breathing but that was not to be! Is this all we will be doing for the next 9 days? This put me in a panic. I didn't see how I could possibly do this.
Mr. Goenka explained that the purpose of this was to be avare (translation, aware) of our bodies. " I want you to be avare, very avare of the moment." and I was thinking to myself. "Yes, I am very aware, very aware that at this moment, I want to be anywhere... but here". Our purpose was to be completely in the moment. Cravings and addictions distract us from the present, which is all there is. When we think of addictions, drugs and alcohol come to mind, but we all have addictions. It's goes along with being human. I'm a chocoholic. Here's the story on that:
I was escorted to my car by our lovely assistant, Atiah, to get my purse. ( I had much contact with her which you will hear.) The parking lot was out of bounds so participants couldn't go alone. Back in my room while digging in my purse to find my hearing aide batteries, I discovered buried treasure. 5 bars of World's Finest Chocolate I bought for the kid's school fundraiser. Being a grandmother does have it's benefits. (I have a big purse. It got lost in there among many other items. When I used to ask my former husband to get something from my purse while I was driving, he'd say "I'm going in!") Let's see. 10 days. 5 chocolates. That's 2 squares a day. I was in heaven.
That evening in the video discourse at 7:00, Mr. Goenka again explained how cravings distract us from the present, taking us out of the moment. At the very moment he was saying that, my mind was drifting to the delectable delights awaiting me in my room, perfectly illustrating his point. This made me laugh. Not out loud of course. Must not disturb the silence. Leave that to the coughing woman.
After the last meditation around 9:15 pm, I savored my forbidden treats in my little room, ever so grateful for the discovery and also thankful I had no room mate to bust me on this tasty violation. It was sinfully delicious.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
Vipassana Meditation Retreat Day 1
Day 1
Bright and early wake up. Actually, it was Dark and Early wake up. 4:00 am!
4:30 first Meditation
We met as a group in the meditation hall, both men and women, but separated.
Positions were assigned to us. Meditation cushions were provided but many people brought their own. I only brought a pillow to sit on, but I opted for a chair. About a third of the women used a chair. It's difficult for me to sit "criss cross applesauce" (when you've been around kids you refer to it that way.) My osteoarthritis and osteoporosis don't lend themselves well to sitting cross legged. Especially for 10-11 hour a day. But even sitting in a chair was a challenge. I wish I could have put my legs up but that wasn't possible. The room was full. Yes, that many people chose to torture themselves. There was a long waiting list. We signed up first day and the spots were filled within an hour. There is no charge for this retreat. It is "Pay it Forward" by former students.
At the beginning and end of each meditation, an audio tape was played of S.N. Goenka, who was the most recent in a long line of teachers dating back to Gautama, the Buddha. The word Buddha refers to an enlightened being, so anyone can be a Buddha. This was my attempt at becoming Buddha. In actuality, I was more the 2nd syllable - Ha. or Haha. The word "Ha" in Hawaiian means breath, and that is what we concentrated on the entire day.
He would begin and end each session with a chant in Sanscrit.
We were instructed to concentrate only on our breathing; To be aware of our breathing, not to control it in any way. This is quite different from my previous attempts at meditation, where you controlled your breathing, or chanted a mantra. "Just be aware" he said, "of breathing through your nostrils. Don't try to change it. Are you breathing through left or right nostril or both? Doesn't matter. Just be aware of your body's natural breathing." Really? this is what I'm going to be doing for the next 2 hours? As it turned out, it was for the next 2 days!
6:30 Breakfast. The same every morning. Organic Tea, Oatmeal, cereal, fruit, yogurt, juice, and organic sprouted bread. We served ourselves and then could sit inside the small dining room, or outside at the tables. I chose the little table by the lake, as much as weather would permit.
8:00 group meditation, beginning with instruction. Guess what? Same thing.
Breath through your nostrils for 2 hours. Short break and then option to return to meditation hall or meditate in your room. Not outside, as he said it is too distracting. This continued until lunch at 11:00
Lunch was vegan/vegetarian and was high quality organic food. A small salad bar was part of every lunch. A couple hot menu items were available and there was always brown rice. It told Erika on our drive down that we would probably get lentils. I love lentils. We never did.
1:00 Group meditation in meditation hall followed by the option to meditate in our rooms. This continued until 5:00, Tea time, with short breaks in between.
6:00 meditation
7:00 discourse. We watched a video of S. N. Goenka, giving us instructions, Philosophy and history of Vipassana. It is universal and not attached to any religion or sect.
Short break.
8:10 to 9:00 or so You got it! More breathing through the nostrils! I am really beginning to feel panic. How can I possibly do this for 10 days?
Remember from our introduction meeting? Silence. We were warned about coughing or sneezing.
Well, we had a chronic cougher and she sat directly behind me. A loud and frequent cougher. She would turn her head and cough into the wall, which only amplified the sound. As much as I felt compassion for her, ( I likened it to being the mother of a crying baby on an airplane.) it was incredibly distracting. OK, I thought, I'm here to learn patience and tolerance. This is a test of that. And, indeed it was!
9:30 end of day
10:00 pm lights out
Bright and early wake up. Actually, it was Dark and Early wake up. 4:00 am!
4:30 first Meditation
We met as a group in the meditation hall, both men and women, but separated.
Positions were assigned to us. Meditation cushions were provided but many people brought their own. I only brought a pillow to sit on, but I opted for a chair. About a third of the women used a chair. It's difficult for me to sit "criss cross applesauce" (when you've been around kids you refer to it that way.) My osteoarthritis and osteoporosis don't lend themselves well to sitting cross legged. Especially for 10-11 hour a day. But even sitting in a chair was a challenge. I wish I could have put my legs up but that wasn't possible. The room was full. Yes, that many people chose to torture themselves. There was a long waiting list. We signed up first day and the spots were filled within an hour. There is no charge for this retreat. It is "Pay it Forward" by former students.
At the beginning and end of each meditation, an audio tape was played of S.N. Goenka, who was the most recent in a long line of teachers dating back to Gautama, the Buddha. The word Buddha refers to an enlightened being, so anyone can be a Buddha. This was my attempt at becoming Buddha. In actuality, I was more the 2nd syllable - Ha. or Haha. The word "Ha" in Hawaiian means breath, and that is what we concentrated on the entire day.
He would begin and end each session with a chant in Sanscrit.
We were instructed to concentrate only on our breathing; To be aware of our breathing, not to control it in any way. This is quite different from my previous attempts at meditation, where you controlled your breathing, or chanted a mantra. "Just be aware" he said, "of breathing through your nostrils. Don't try to change it. Are you breathing through left or right nostril or both? Doesn't matter. Just be aware of your body's natural breathing." Really? this is what I'm going to be doing for the next 2 hours? As it turned out, it was for the next 2 days!
6:30 Breakfast. The same every morning. Organic Tea, Oatmeal, cereal, fruit, yogurt, juice, and organic sprouted bread. We served ourselves and then could sit inside the small dining room, or outside at the tables. I chose the little table by the lake, as much as weather would permit.
8:00 group meditation, beginning with instruction. Guess what? Same thing.
Breath through your nostrils for 2 hours. Short break and then option to return to meditation hall or meditate in your room. Not outside, as he said it is too distracting. This continued until lunch at 11:00
Lunch was vegan/vegetarian and was high quality organic food. A small salad bar was part of every lunch. A couple hot menu items were available and there was always brown rice. It told Erika on our drive down that we would probably get lentils. I love lentils. We never did.
1:00 Group meditation in meditation hall followed by the option to meditate in our rooms. This continued until 5:00, Tea time, with short breaks in between.
6:00 meditation
7:00 discourse. We watched a video of S. N. Goenka, giving us instructions, Philosophy and history of Vipassana. It is universal and not attached to any religion or sect.
Short break.
8:10 to 9:00 or so You got it! More breathing through the nostrils! I am really beginning to feel panic. How can I possibly do this for 10 days?
Remember from our introduction meeting? Silence. We were warned about coughing or sneezing.
Well, we had a chronic cougher and she sat directly behind me. A loud and frequent cougher. She would turn her head and cough into the wall, which only amplified the sound. As much as I felt compassion for her, ( I likened it to being the mother of a crying baby on an airplane.) it was incredibly distracting. OK, I thought, I'm here to learn patience and tolerance. This is a test of that. And, indeed it was!
9:30 end of day
10:00 pm lights out
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