day 6 Midnight Mutiny of One

Day 6  Midnight Mutiny of One

The mutiny began at midnight.  I reached the No Patience Point.  Awake almost all night, I made a decision to leave.  Since they had my phone and wallet, this was not possible.  Held for ransom.  I was tempted to wake up Erika and tell her I was leaving and would come back to get her the  morning of the last day.  Of course, this wasn't possible since:  1. It was the middle of the night.   2.  We were not to have any communication with each other.  3.   She had a roommate.  4.  I needed my phone and wallet. At any rate,  I imagined myself singing in the car to my favorite music blasting and a huge smile of relief on my face.  I didn't miss talking but I sure did miss singing.  18 hours of driving would be preferable to this.

Our time to schedule meetings with our teachers was at noon.  I couldn't wait that long.  First thing in the morning,  I told Atiah that I was having a crisis and needed to talk to teacher as soon as possible.  After breakfast, that was arranged.  I met them in the Interview room.  Here's what I told them:

" I have decided to leave.  We have taken a vow of Noble Silence, but as we all know, none of our Meditations have been silent.  None! I feel much compassion for our Cougher, but it is just too disturbing and distracting for me. Yes, I know this is to help us develop patience and tolerance, but I can't tolerate another day. I can go home and meditate in absolute silence.  As a musician, I have a suggestion;  instead of coughing into the wall, how about if she coughs into a towel or something to muffle the sound?  I'm sure the other meditators will appreciate it as well.

I understand also the need for no communication, but can't we at least smile at each other?  I'm very friendly.  It just feels awkward and uncomfortable to pass someone or sit next to them at a meal and not smile or at least exchange glances.  Mr Goenka talks about joy and happiness.  No one looks very happy to me!  I'm not!  So, thank you very much, but I'm out of here!"

The both looked at each other, bowed to me with prayer hands and said, "Ah, you have reached the agitation stage."  I said, "Uh, no, I reached that day 2."
Ms Liang said that it is important to stay all the way to the end in order receive full benefit;  that all I've done thus far would practically be lost if I left.  I said" 5 more days?(counting today.)  Not sure I can do that."  They said, "Oh last day is like a party.  We are able to talk with each other."  I said, "A party?  Do we get dinner?"  They laughed and said, "No."
"Champagne?"
 "No."
 "Just kidding"

They accepted my idea about coughing into a towel and suggested I be moved to a different spot.  I accepted that.  They also suggested a Meditation Cell.  These were available only as assigned and I had wondered about that.  This already was a bit like being incarcerated as it was.  Through a side door, there were 6 small  rooms  each with their own door.  These were the meditation cells.  They said it is very intense inside there.  I responded that it is very intense inside me.  I agreed to give it a try.  They said the best was yet to come.  I was thinking to myself, almost anything would be better than this.  OK  Just kidding again.

So next group meditation, I was relocated.  All the way on the other side of the room in a little corner at the back of the room.  I liked it.  The cougher coughed into a cloth.  I liked it.  Next optional meditation period I went into my meditation cell.  I liked it.  There was a chair set up for me.  It was very intense.   I liked it.  So did my meditation skills.  Mutiny diverted.  Vipassana bloomed.

From here on, my attitude changed, as the tone of this Blog will.  Stick around like I did and see how this benefitted me.