Day 2  Vipassana Retreat  Breathing, Craving and Addictions

Our schedule was the same  every day.  I made my way in the dark to the morning meditation, (Ok, I had a flashlight and the walkway was lit, but it was still damn dark at 4:30 am.)

Arriving at my assigned position I noticed that the woman next to me was gone. Envy!  Please!  Why can't that be me? I was so wishing I were she!  This day was my most difficult. As I mentioned I have a touch of ADHD and I'm a big multi-tasker.  I can play guitar, sing, and make my grocery list in my head.  There's a lot going on in that mind of mine. So to sit for 11 hours just concentrating on breathing was a mammoth task. I was hoping we would venture beyond nostril breathing but that was not to be! Is this all we will be doing for the next 9 days? This put me in a panic.   I didn't see how I could possibly do this.

Mr. Goenka explained that the purpose of this was to be avare (translation, aware) of our bodies. " I want you to be avare, very avare of the moment."  and I was thinking to  myself.  "Yes, I am very aware, very aware that at this moment, I want to be anywhere... but here".  Our purpose was to be completely in the moment. Cravings and addictions distract us from the present, which is all there is. When we think of addictions,  drugs and alcohol come to mind, but we all have addictions. It's goes along with being human.  I'm a chocoholic.  Here's the story on that:

I was escorted to my car by our lovely assistant, Atiah, to get my purse. ( I had much contact with her which you will hear.) The parking lot was out of bounds so participants couldn't go alone. Back in my room while digging in my purse to find my hearing aide batteries, I discovered buried treasure.  5 bars of World's Finest Chocolate I bought for the kid's school fundraiser. Being a grandmother does have it's benefits.  (I have a big purse.  It got lost in there among many other items. When I used to ask my former husband to get something from my purse while I was driving, he'd say "I'm going in!")  Let's see. 10 days. 5 chocolates.  That's 2 squares a day.  I was in heaven.

That evening in the video discourse at 7:00,  Mr. Goenka again explained how cravings distract us from the present,  taking us out of the  moment.  At the very moment he was saying that, my mind was drifting to the delectable delights awaiting me in my room, perfectly illustrating his point.  This made me laugh.  Not out loud of course.  Must not disturb the silence.  Leave that to the coughing woman.

After the last meditation around 9:15 pm,  I savored my forbidden treats in my little room, ever so grateful for the discovery and also thankful I had no room mate to bust me on this tasty violation.   It was sinfully delicious.