Perrine bridge.  Day 4

Driving 84 on the 84.  (84 mph on I 84) I stopped at the Perrine Bridge in Twin Falls Idaho after saying Goodbye to my sister and Salt Lake City.   This is where my baby brother broke the world record for BASE jumps on 2008.  Google him.  Dan Schilling.  You will also find out that he is a decorated soldier from Black Hawk Down.  He received the bronze star with valor and wrote a book called, "The Battle of Mogadishu."  Proceeds of which  go to the Special Operations Warrior Foundation.  As my father said, "Your brother is a God damn War Hero."

I got there a little too late to see any jumpers.  Bummer.  But, honestly, just being there made me so nervous.  I have a fear of heights.  Got it from my father who couldn't even look over the edge when we got to the Grand Canyon.  Obviously, Dan did not get that gene.  (Although, I did go sky diving on the North Shore of Hawaii, but that was NEVER on my bucket list.)
 I wanted to take a photo from the bridge but my knees were weak and my hands were shaking. I was afraid I might drop my phone.  So much for bravery.  Some consider my recent life changes and current journey to be brave but this cannot compare to my brother of whom I am so proud.

Here is the card I picked at Peggy's.  I think it's kinda funny.  I think we're pretty funny, especially when we're trying to be  serious.  In spite of the worst lunch we have ever had together, it was a really fun time.  Lots of laughs.  Hitting the road early tomorrow.  Heading to Idaho and the Perrine bridge where my brother, Dan, broke the world record for BASE jumping.

End of day 2.

I arrived at Peggy's in Salt Lake City at 9:30 pm, having left Albuquerque at 7:00 am.  Long day.
She was with her dear friend, Rebecca, who I met last visit in April.  She's like another sister to us.We stayed up partying and laughing until very late. Sister bonding time.  We are feeling closer than we've ever been.  We're both single and our lives no longer revolve around our men.  It's a good feeling.  Men are too much work!
I'm enjoying my freedom  but still healing my broken heart.

As many of you know, 11:11 is a special time for me.  It is a special time, period.  Wherever I am or whoever I'm with, we stop, hook pinky fingers and make a wish.  This was mile 1111 of my trip. 

This is where we were:

Road Trip Day 2.     14 1/2 hours to get to Salt Lake City from Albuquerque.  2 hours of road work delays.  I'm happy to see America's roads being improved, big projects, but it sure cost me time.  That, and having to stop twice to get the spilled cranberry juice out of my shirt. The first area of road work was by Ute Mountain.

I was lucky enough to be the first car.  So I just got out, took pictures and walked around.

If my Subaru could take a selfie, it would look like this:

My little blue Forester is named Sapphire.  We drove through some beautiful country,  or "cunt ry" as Dad would say it.  This is some mighty beautiful "cunt ry."  It always cracked us up, and embarrassed us a little the way he said it.  We were like, "Does he know what that sounds like?"

  Dad loved the Wild West and particularly Utah's magnificent scenery.  I drove through Canyonlands, Arches, Capital Reef, Ute mountain and Moab.  Just a drive by.  Too many miles to make a stop.  It so reminded me of Dad.  He inspired a love of America's natural wonders in me and I thank him for that.  I also thank him for Sapphire.  It was due to my inheritance from his life insurance policy that I was able to buy her.  And because of that, I was able to send my Odyssey Van to Tira and Mike.  Thanks, Pop. This part of my journey is for you!  Love you.

Road Trip. Day One.   12 hours on the road from San Antonio to Albuquerque  with  2 incidents of nearly Biblical proportions.   After all, Mercury is in retrograde.  First of all,  it's a barren road.   Even  much of what was once occupied is abandoned.  Without music, it would not have been possible. Between my IPad and my IPod I have over 7,000 songs.  For the first time half, I used Shuffle Songs. I enjoy the eclectic mix from classical to jazz, country to  rock, sound tracks to show tunes, oldies to modern, with the exception of rap.  Much as I've tried, I just don't like it.  Can't understand the words anyway, which the kids tell me is a good thing for the most part.  The 2nd half, I followed themes, or Albums, from Radiohead to Sinatra with a heavy dose of Hawaiian thrown in.  God, I miss Hawaiian music on the radio!  We do have a commercial free jazz station but I lost  that just outside of San  Antone.

After about 8 hours of pretty boring scenery, it got interesting.  At  first I thought it was a mountain but then I saw it was moving. A giant cloud of dust, fresh out of Lawrence of Arabia.  I've never been in a force like that.  Sandblasted, I had to pull over.  Like all things, I knew it would pass. And it did.  Ok.  That was an adventure which lead to another.

In Lubbock, I hit the biggest downpour I have ever driven in.  Couldn't even drive.  Had to pull over.  It was coming down in sheets and I found myself in the middle of a lightning storm.  In the very middle.  It was hitting around me on all sides. Close!  For the first time in my life, I actually felt a little fear of lightning, realizing, it could actually hit me.  Emergency vehicles passed.  I waited in the deluge for a half an hour, then decided to follow a big truck.  I couldn't see the lines in the road but could follow the lights ahead of me. Flooding was a problem but I do have a Subaru all wheel drive Forester.  That helped.  Still, didn't want to end up another statistic of a driver who didn't make the crossing.  I did make the crossing and am comfortably in my hotel room on Albuquerque.  On to Salt Lake City tomorrow.

Happy 7th birthday Paisley.
She is a sweet as her smile.  In all honesty, I've hardy known such a kind natured, considerate, and compassionate child.  And her siblings can be challenging.  They are for me.  She really loves  and cares for them.  Check out this expression as she looks at Charlotte.

Tonight after our celebration for her, we picked Angel Cards.  She picked 

Authenticity.  Twice.  And then it fell out of the deck at the end. (Special attention.)

 I thought that was a rather odd card until I thought about it. She truly is an authentic human being; sincere, unpretentious, real.  There's nothing superficial about her.  That makes her easy to tease.  She believes every word you say.  Her father likes to tease, and like me, she is an easy mark.  We're kinda gullible.  But she is a softer spirit than I.  She gives unconditionally and wants everyone to be happy.

Here's an example.  Riding next to her father in the car, he had her hold the ice cream on her lap.  She was so excited and said.  "I can't wait to have some."  To which teasing Tyler replied, "Paisley, we have enough for everybody but you."  She reflected on it a moment and replied, "OK,   Daddy."

That's just the way she is.  And I love every bit of the way she is.  

May God protect you, precious child.

                                              Into the Woods

Charlotte, Porter, and Calista walking on our forest path, holding hands and singing (after spending most of the morning fighting.  (Well, not Calista) 
Paisley still has 2 more days of school.
 Nothing like a nature walk following a hard rain.  After several days of thunderstorms and flooding, it's clearing up.  Many of the roads and rivers were flooded but we are on high ground and out of the flood plain.   Some were not so lucky and we pray for them and their families.  7 years of severe drought in Texas is now over!  Wells, lakes, rivers, and reservoirs are full.  Good and welcome news but not for my homesite.  Foundation is delayed again.  It's been over a month.  Guess I'll take  a road trip.  Tomorrow is Paisley's 7th birthday.  The day after that, I depart on a 3 week solo adventure.  Road trip therapy! 
 I'll be blogging daily. 

Thunderstorm slumber party.

The skies put on a spectacular electrical show last night. A bravura performance.  I was alone with the four kids,  Mom and Dad were working late.  An electrical storm rolled in, a massive one.  Paisley and I love lightning and thunder. To us, it's exciting.  We also love  roller coasters.   She's not only fearless but thrilled by the biggest and scariest rides.  "Let's go again!"  Lightning is the same.  For the first time, she actually saw lightning bolts. "The best day ever!"

 Baby, Calista, was  into it.  She's pretty adventurous.  Porter (5) and Charlotte (3), on the verge of panic and tears,  got caught up in our enthusiasm and overcame their fears.  It could have gone either way with them. Had their fears been fed, it might have made them afraid of lightning for life. Instead, our excitement was contagious.   We pulled up the shades, lit candles, turned off the lights and watched out the windows for "God's Fireworks."  It lasted a long time.  Finally, I put the baby to bed and started a movie for Porter and Charli.  Paisley and I went outside on the patio, (Lanai, we would say in Hawaii) under the awning and watched the show.  It was a magical night, not only for the sky who but for our relationship. One more bonding moment between us.  She's my oldest grand daughter (She'll be 7 on May 27) and we're very close.  We decided to have a slumber party.  Stay up as late as we want and sleep in my bed.   We let Porter and Charlotte sleep on the sofa downstairs.  We had our own little thunderstorm  electrical, spectacular,slumber party.  I think we'll both remember this night..

For all the thieves and violators in the world.  If  you could see yourself in a movie, what would you think about that person?  Karma is a law of life.  No one is exempt.

LIFE IS A MOVIE

IT'S HOW YOU BEHAVE IN THE DAILY WAYS

THAT  GIVES A CLUE TO WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

WHAT IF YOU COULD SIT BACK AND OBSERVE YOURSELF?

WHAT  WOULD YOU THINK OF THAT PERSON?

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY ABOUT SOMEBODY

IF YOU KNEW THEY COULD HEAR EVERY WORD?

WOULD  YOU STILL STAND THERE AND SAY THE SAME THINGS

IF YOU KNEW THAT   THEY COULD HEAR YOU?

WELL,  LIFE IS A MOVIE CREATED EACH DAY

AND YOU ARE THE STAR.

EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS A CHARACTER

AND WE ALL GET TO WRITE OUR OWN LINES.

BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DIRECT WHAT YOU DO.

YOU CAN BE THE HERO    OR THE VILLAIN  OR BOTH  OR NEITHER.

WHAT IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO COMMIT A CRIME

AND NO ONE WOULD EVER FIND OUT?

EVEN IF NOBODY EVERY WOULD KNOW

YOU WOULD      AND IT WILL GET YOU

SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW,  SOME WAY.

 SO, MAYBE PRETEND THAT THERE'S SOMEBODY'S WATCHING YOU

BECAUSE THAT SOMEONE IS YOU!

 Mother's Day month!  Yay!  I like my holidays to linger long after the designated day!   Here it is 10 days after Mother's Day and I'm still celebrating.  The flowers from my kids are still blooming, (with Charlotte and Rox as my models) and I cashed in on my 90 minute gift massage from the kids yesterday. Heaven!  Almost as good as sex.  May is Mother's Day month.  Let's not forget Memorial Day but that is a more somber occasion.  I celebrate the entire month of November as my Birthday Month.  Dard used to spoil me.  I would reciprocate for him in July.  I miss him.  My sister, Peggy, actually started it with her Birthday Week.   I expanded it to an entire month.   Let's celebrate  and honor mothers all this month!  Where would we be without them?  Oh, and don't forget their birthday month.  Love to every mother everywhere!  In May or any other day!

Kite strings

Textured by colors of feeling

Structured by strength of the soul

Shades of emotions are caught up in whimsical winds

A pattern's created by you

Painted in colors and hues

Inside is the guide that determines how high you will fly

As you're drifting along in your life

Keep in  mind

It's you who has fashioned your kite

When the gales start to blow

Go along with the flow

But hold on to your kite strings.

Leia's 7th birthday.

Happy Birthday Leia

Today Leia is 7.  Happy Birthday. This was taken the last day I saw her in Jan, 2015.

I wonder if she misses me.  I wonder if she misses Luke.  Do animals miss us?

We miss them.  Leia is in a good place at her home in Hawaii.  I guess Luke is in a better place, too,  so to speak.  He only lived to be 5.  They were quite a pair of pups, like" Marley and me" times 2. 

Leia has the sweetest heart.  Very tolerant  as you see. The children love her and she is so gentle with them. She's sensitive.  It was very hard on her when we lost Luke.   Me, too. 

Love  you LukieLeia!   Happy birthday. I'll remember you like this.

 

Squirrels are cuter than mongoose

And other things I like better about Texas

1. The stars at night ARE big and bright.   Evening clouds made it difficult or me to view the sky sometimes from my home in Captain Cook.  Plus, the Pali, or mountain blocked part of the sky.  Here the stars sparkle and shine in an unobstructed sky.  Which leads to #2
2. No VOG  Volcanic air pollution.  The most isolated land in the world with such poor air quality.   It blackened my house, screens and windows.  I had a chronic cough and watery eyes, along with other allergic reactions. So long sulphur dioxide.   
3. Front door delivery  I can receive packages right at my front door!  What a novel idea.  I didn't have that for 23 years.   No delivery vehicle could make it up my road
4. Good roads and driveway. Going up my potholed driveway was hard on the tires and alignment  of our vehicles.  Sometimes people got stuck, blocking our entrance or exit.  Hawaii roads are full of pot holes.  You know how they fix it?  2 guys in a pick up full of asphalt, stop at bad spots, shovel it in the holes and let us drive our cars over to pack it in.  
5. Water supply.  Our water line came from 1,500 ft above us and we were responsible for all breaks and the resulting huge water bills..  We were plagued by breaks and leaks, including destruction by pigs.  I'll include pigs in this category.  It's nice to have water come in from pipes in the street.  I am going to put in a catchment tank, though, at my new home.
6. No geckos.  Those cute little "Lizards" are pooping machines.  Yes, they eat all the bugs, but their dropping line every window sill and often drip down the walls.  There are hundreds of them.  We lived in the middle of the jungle so they were everywhere.  It's interesting to see them fight for territory with each other and with #7   Cane Spiders
7.  No cane spiders.  Actually, they never bothered me all that much because they don't bite or make webs.  They can be as big as your hand, resembling  giant tarantulas but with smaller bodies.  And they can JUMP.  Far.  They are very fast but really are shy and afraid of you.  They freak out visitors from the mainland
8. No coqui frogs  New noise pollution arrived in Hawaii in the form of a little green frog with a big voice and a prolific reproducer. We performed a wedding once in Hilo on the other side of the island, and the chorus of coqui's was so loud, it was hard to hear us.  And we both could project our voices!  
9. Wine sampling in the grocery store.  Food sampling in the grocery store.  Anything in the grocery store! Cheap, abundant, huge selection of low priced items in every department.  HEB Stores  A new shopping experience for me.
10. Gas prices.  Almost half the price of gas in Hawaii.  And, I don't have to drive as far here. Almost every day I drove an hour each way for a half an hour wedding. Sometimes, I drove out to the resorts twice in a day.  Gas was a huge expense.  This leads to  to #11
11. Shopping convenience.  Every store.  Every restaurant. Every business you can name is just a 10 minute drive away.  My Costco is 5 minutes whereas it was 45 minutes to the Kona store.  The only one on the island.  People will drive over from Hilo to shop there.  A 5 hour round trip.
12. Grandchildren.  7 of them.  I saved the best for last.  I only had the opportunity to see them a couple weeks a year.  The boys, Hunter and Hayden, came over almost every year but only 2 of Tyler's 4 were there.  Besides the price of the tickets, traveling with 4 aged 6 and under was pretty much out of the question.   I would see them when I came over once or twice a year.  Not nearly enough.   Now, living with them, I am getting enough for sure!  (A little too much?) When I finish my house, they will be a half an hour drive away.  Just perfect!

.  

Charlotte, Calista and I are home on a rainy, blustery, lightning/thundery, stormy day.  I love it.  We went out with our umbrellas and danced in the driveway.  Mother Nature fascinates me, especially when she is extreme.  Of the many fears I have, natural disasters aren't among them.  But, then, I have never been in a tornado, or an earthquake the magnitude of  that in Nepal.  Bless those souls. The rolling So Cal quakes we had when I was young, seemed fun to me.  Even the 6.7  Big Island of Hawaii shaker in 2006, was exciting.  What I love about rainy days is that I allow myself to relax.  Relaxing hasn't been one of my skills but I'm learning.  Dolce fa niente.  The sweetness of doing nothing. I have been such a goal oriented,  high achieving, get it done, cross it off the list person.    Such pressure I put on myself!   I haven't had much tolerence for laziness.  But one is entitled to taking it easy now and then. A day of rest without feeling guilty is healthy, essential, and an element of most religions.  I'm aiming for a Zen approach to life;  To just "Be," To have no agenda, nothing to accomplish.   I'm accomplishing another day as a human.  Today, as a grandmother at home with a 3 year old and  one a month shy of 2 years, whose terribles are emerging.  Enjoy these times?  By allowing myself to go with the moment, it is fun.  When the volume rises, though,  I enjoy it better with  my hearing aid off.

Blog May 12, 2015

One day at a time.  One hour.   One thought.  One moment.  One present.  Here it is!

To plan or not to plan.  That is the question.   I've been a planner/over planner all my life.  And I'm good at it.

I made a living being a planner.  As Program Director of a large retirement home with 3 monthly calendars and over 700 residents in 3 levels of care (exhausting and demanding.).  A wedding planner.  (It's their Special Day!).  An elementary music teacher.  (Always be prepared.)  Now I am retired.    For the first time in my life,  I think, EVER, I do not have a crowded calendar, a full dance card; obligations and responsibilities.  Free time.  Now there's a novel idea.     At least, for me.  I've been everywhere for everyone else in my life.  Now, I want to be in the moment for myself.

 I long to be spontaneous.  To do what I want, when I want.  Who doesn't?  Now, I am in a position to.   Until my home is built, though, I am relegated to some planning .  These 4 children  I am living with can't make dinner magically appear on the table.  Their hard working parents are out there earning a living, working long hours as I did at their age, (and ever.)  So,  I do what I can to help.  And I'm happy to.  But I am looking forward to being on my own and living by myself.  As much as I love and treasure them,  my soul longs for solitude.

 Having grown up as one of 5 very active, intense siblings, it was rarely calm or quiet.    From that I went straight to 3 marriages.   I have never lived alone.  It's time.   But not quite.  For at the moment, I am building my future residence.  When completed,  my family will visit, (as planned) but my days will be my own.

 In actuality, I'm asking a deeper question.  How much planning is too much?   Without a plan, there can be chaos.  If we project and plan to avoid  prospective problems, are we can be better prepared to face them when and if  they arise? Are we better prepared to make an educated decision?   Or do we  blind ourselves by sticking to the plan and not seeing another pathway? Is there a better pathway?  Do all roads lead to Rome? By determining where we will be in the future, are we limiting our choices  when tomorrow becomes today? How can we know until we get there?  Can we plan ourselves out of magical moments?   Do we act or not act?  My choice tends to be the active one.  But timing is everything and I need to learn patience.  If we act too soon, the pieces might not fall into place.  Roots must be deep.  Stems strong.  How do we know when the time is right to burst into bloom?  Maybe by slowing down, we can listen to life's whisperings.

The first step of My Blog journey begins today.  I already took a giant leap last year.
After 23 years, I left my beloved island of Hawaii to move to Texas, leaving the home I carved out of the jungle with my late husband Bruno, which was purchased by my ex husband, Dard.  I thought I would die in that house, like Bruno did.  But life offered me another path and I took it.  I jumped on it. I sprung on it and it was painful.  "Change hurts but staying the same hurts more." as they say.   "No one said it would be easy"  is another common quote that applies.
After leaving my children and family in the early 90's, I have returned full circle into their lives.  In fact, I am the cog of our family wheel, supporting the spokes from the center. Looks like it's a wagon wheel from where I found  myself.  Hard to believe I'd end up in Texas.  I've always been a beach girl.  Sure do miss it, especially the clear blue waters of Kealakekua  and Honaunau.
7 little lives changed mine.  They were growing up without me.  1 or 2 weeks a year, if even that, was not enough to see them.  Now they are a part of my daily life.  It's not easy.  It's not quiet.  But, it is real and it is family.  We all say to ourselves from time to time, " Live each day as if it were your last." Then, we promptly forget it.  Yesterday, Mother's Day 2015, I lived with that thought in mind.   What if this were the last day I would see this little face and hear that sweet voice?   When living in the moment, it becomes magic; enchanting, spontaneous, and delightful.  To see life through the eyes of a child, can't help but make us young.  Even better..ageless.  Timeless. The mystery that is love, lives in us.  Always.