Blog May 12, 2015

One day at a time.  One hour.   One thought.  One moment.  One present.  Here it is!

To plan or not to plan.  That is the question.   I've been a planner/over planner all my life.  And I'm good at it.

I made a living being a planner.  As Program Director of a large retirement home with 3 monthly calendars and over 700 residents in 3 levels of care (exhausting and demanding.).  A wedding planner.  (It's their Special Day!).  An elementary music teacher.  (Always be prepared.)  Now I am retired.    For the first time in my life,  I think, EVER, I do not have a crowded calendar, a full dance card; obligations and responsibilities.  Free time.  Now there's a novel idea.     At least, for me.  I've been everywhere for everyone else in my life.  Now, I want to be in the moment for myself.

 I long to be spontaneous.  To do what I want, when I want.  Who doesn't?  Now, I am in a position to.   Until my home is built, though, I am relegated to some planning .  These 4 children  I am living with can't make dinner magically appear on the table.  Their hard working parents are out there earning a living, working long hours as I did at their age, (and ever.)  So,  I do what I can to help.  And I'm happy to.  But I am looking forward to being on my own and living by myself.  As much as I love and treasure them,  my soul longs for solitude.

 Having grown up as one of 5 very active, intense siblings, it was rarely calm or quiet.    From that I went straight to 3 marriages.   I have never lived alone.  It's time.   But not quite.  For at the moment, I am building my future residence.  When completed,  my family will visit, (as planned) but my days will be my own.

 In actuality, I'm asking a deeper question.  How much planning is too much?   Without a plan, there can be chaos.  If we project and plan to avoid  prospective problems, are we can be better prepared to face them when and if  they arise? Are we better prepared to make an educated decision?   Or do we  blind ourselves by sticking to the plan and not seeing another pathway? Is there a better pathway?  Do all roads lead to Rome? By determining where we will be in the future, are we limiting our choices  when tomorrow becomes today? How can we know until we get there?  Can we plan ourselves out of magical moments?   Do we act or not act?  My choice tends to be the active one.  But timing is everything and I need to learn patience.  If we act too soon, the pieces might not fall into place.  Roots must be deep.  Stems strong.  How do we know when the time is right to burst into bloom?  Maybe by slowing down, we can listen to life's whisperings.